[23 Jul 2006|07:00pm] I totally forgot to do the whole "I made a new livejournal" thing. so if anyone cares/doesn't already know, I have a new livejournal, and it's kaleido_scopic, and you should definitely add me. lovelove bananafishing.

tailsg13: maybe this is a trick by god [12 Jun 2006|12:48am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | my computer gasping and struggling to survive ] whoa, livejournal. lately my insecurities have been eating me alive. I am obsessed with jets to brazil, mario kart, and falling asleep listening to the rain. I'm getting desperately sick of my lack of creativity. when I express myself I'm never satisfied with the outcome because I want it to be something more than it actually is. it's terribly frustrating. I keep writing nonetheless. I need to shed this fear, I need to get some courage. I've started digging for this inner confidence but I don't know if I'll ever find it. tomorrow is vinci's prom, and I'm his date. Oh God. (so you told me not to let everything you said bother me. but I'd be lying if I said I never thought about it. some of the things I used to see in myself are a little different now. but I guess that's my fault, I guess that's my weakness. I'm trying.) I'm trying to not hold as much back when it comes to these types of things. I've kind of missed livejournal, I kind of want to resurrect my livejournal writing. it's way too late or too early to be on the internet. it's wicked summer, though; staying up late and staying online. it's so summer. and my eyes burning from sleeping out and sleeping in my contacts. that's summer, too. lovelovelove goodnight. GO bananafishing.

[23 Dec 2005|12:31am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | sitcomz ] livejournal livejournal I am sitting on my couch in my new fur-lined hat with the flaps on the ears, and the tree is lit, and it smells like pine because that's what pine trees smell like, and I'm pretty content right now. I bought a ton of gifts and spent too much time wrapping them. because they all had to be done in signature jill jackson tissue paper style. but when I look at them I feel satisfied. tonight I cleaned my room and cooked myself dinner and this means I am independent and capable. I am having late night philosophical discussions with everyone and when todd comes home we're making a gingerbread house. lately I have been feeling almost like I am on something...like my brain is foggy, and I can't concentrate on anything. like everything is scattered and I can't hold down one train of thought for any extended period of time. it's bothered the hell out of me because I really value thinking coherently and lately the only way I've been able to focus, the only way I've been able to accomplish tasks, is by turning them into lists. and I would never want to live my life out of lists. but it's starting to get better, for some reason. it started to get better tonight. I feel like I can conquer the world in this hat. bananafishing.

am I asleep or awake? [19 Nov 2005|11:58pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | high and driving ] lately I've been obsessed with rilo kiley, burts bees chapstick, kanye west, dance dance revolution, ginger ale, sex and the city, peter lobo and zach lobo, respectively, and pigtails. this is probably the most consistently happy and emotionally stable I have been since I dated patt webb. hey, remember that time that I dated patt webb? weird. forevz and evz ago. SO saves the day is in 28ish days or 27 or something like that. katlyn, me and liz? I think. I'm so excited I think I might combust. spontaneously. the other day katlyn and I went to the arcade and I WON THE LIGHT TRAP GAME for the SECOND time. and I got a stuffed animal of gonzo dressed as the tin man. the bonfire and thanksgiving are this weekend. and for some reason they make me really happy too. and I'm really overcaffeinated right now because I drank a cappucino and a doctor pepper at work. I am going crazy for christmas. I have money for the first time in forever, and a good amount, so I've already started spoiling my friends. there are intricate plans involved and multiple gifts for each person. so, college? I feel like I'm way behind. I haven't even started applying. but I visited brown the other day or week or something and absolutely fell in love with the campus, of course. but there's more than a good chance I won't get in. I just hope I get into sarah lawrence, because it seems perfect for me. and new york. God, new york. I can really see myself there. goodnight! GO bananafishing.

indiesavvy10389: fabulousssssssssss! [14 Jul 2005|11:24pm] so I haven't updated in forever but I'm going to skip ahead to like summer. I have been up to a lot and nothing at all. I guess that's kind of what summer is all about. I've been spending way too much time online, or watching television. it's a horrible habit. I can feel my brain become increasingly more numb and hours pass like minutes and then the whole day is wasted. but that hasn't happened that much. I've gotten to hang out with most of my friends, and that is great. I love them of course. umm, one of my fish died. it lasted for like a year and a half or something which is ridiculous for a goldfish, so I'm pretty satisfied. what else, what else. well, overall, things have been getting better and better. I just wish I could get rid of the feeling that I'm not making the most of things. but I always have that feeling. it's just worse in summer because I don't have the excuse of school or homework to hide behind. but I think that I am, I think that I'm taking everything in. I keep remembering all the times last winter I would've killed for sunshine and ice cream and sleeping late, and it makes me appreciate everything more. oh, and here are some pictures it took me forever to post. that is the most tedious thing ever. ( summer so far. ) so, I love everyone, and goodnight. or good morning or afternoon. GO bananafishing.

[19 May 2005|09:15pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | the shins ] umm, these past few weeks have been kind of busy. so prom was last week I think, and the ap test. or the week before? the week before. anyway it was a good time. after prom was the best, there was so much free stuff, and I human bowled and jousted a bunch of times. and kareoked. the ap test was a big relief no matter how I did on it because it's over. I realize that I hardly ever talk about anything that really matters to me on this. big chunks of my life just get kind of glossed over. because I talk about all of that stuff in my real journal, anyway. and I don't really want people to know everything about me. but sometimes I get in one of those open moods that I regret later. I used to be much more open with this. livejournal is a very tricky thing. ( cause it's the d in detroit that scares me to no end. ) bananafishing.

[25 Apr 2005|07:25pm] [ mood | groggy ] so I had a beautiful vacation. sunday was taylor, bonfires blankets and smores. monday was beaches and arabs and elizabeth. cold italian subs. then mattapoisett beach and tyler and ange, and tripping over underdogs and music. then it was katlyn and me swimming in our clothes and being cold and sandy, and nick's pizza. tuesday was more katlyn and sour apple slurpees, of course, and journals until three o'clock. and the best games of life ever played. wednesday was great. elizabeth, stephen, katlyn, aliza, craig and tyler and I went to this crazy lake in wareham. the water was ridiculously cold and system shocking, and I couldn't get over how much it felt like a horror movie. afterwards craig, aliza and I went to katlyn's and played life some more. I had a sunburn and now I have freckles. I love sunburns and freckles. looking at those clocks they have outside of banks and seeing the temperature was over eighty degrees was the best feeling ever. and it was exactly what I needed. bananafishing.

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